Atkins, SouthBeach or What?

Already on my way to the local wholesale club, I've got little time to research my diet plan. I've tried Atkins before and I was marginally successful, but I haven't been able to eat bacon and eggs since. I'm pretty sure SouthBeach is an Atkin's take-off, but I'm not sure. En route, I call a few friends that have tried SouthBeach. They say it is a little more sensible than the steak and lard kabobs promoted by Atkins. By the time I reach the BJ's Wholesale parking lot, I've decided that a low-carb, high protein, complex carbohydrate diet is the way to go. Now I just need to figure out what a complex carbohydrate looks like...

Upon entering the store, I can see this is definitely a bad season for diets. I'm greeted with display after display of holiday gift baskets of Godiva, Ghiradeli and Hersey's. I'll just check out a few for gifts... As I drool over the Godiva baskets, in the shiny wrapping of truffles, I swear I see my ex-boyfriend's face--laughing. I immediately move from the isle. Regaining my strength in the condiments isle, I figure I should look for a few good spices. After all, I'll be "enjoying" a lot of salad and vegetables and these are things that I usually just use to decorate the plate around my burger. Still not sure what a complex carbohydrate is, I see a few spices that might help; one even purports to enhance the flavor of anything that I add it to. Armed with 32 ounces of MSG, I travel onward.

I divert my eyes from the chips isle, only to catch a glimpse of the candy isle. I dash ahead just to find myself in the bakery. Evil store! Finally, once away from the Carb-o-Freak sections, I find a few more items:

• Pre-cooked unrefrigerated bacon (well, at least the house won't stink every morning this way and its got a shelf life of 8 months)
• Barilla Pasta Plus, (I think this is kinda sorta a complex carb, I mean, its yucky yellow brown and has protein added)
• whole wheat light english muffins (they look similar to my doggie's treats...)
• baby carrots (but what will I dip these into????)
• steak
• chicken
• Smart Balance Butter-like spread (actually very good and zero carbs)
• Smuckers Old fashioned peanut butter (this one had the fewest "sugar carbs")
• Salad dressing (this was hard, low-carb is out. I had to buy 2 gallons of vinegar, 1 liter of olive oil and two dozen packets of italian seasoning. Remember, this is a WHOLESALE club. I sure hope I like it....)
• Kashi optimized "glycemic index" health bars (they didn't have the SouthBeach Cinnamon Raison bars recommended, and SouthBeach was $108 per 100 count and Kashi only $83)
• 6 lbs of broccoli (I have a big freezer, thankfully)

Ok, now for my first work-out. Carrying all these items from my car and putting it all away. Whew, now I'm too tired to cook. I call for take-out. Don't worry! I ordered a spinach salad with feta, carmelized onions and grilled chicken. They did resolve that spinach E.coli thing right?